


(We're your) Home. [discontinued]

by ThePersonRandom



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, Depression, Fights, Homophobic Language, Hong Jisoo | Joshua-centric, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:41:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23205640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePersonRandom/pseuds/ThePersonRandom
Summary: Joshua Hong focused on living his life day by day and hour by hour, trying to keep his inner demons at bay. He's all on his own until strangers stumble upon his hiding place with big problems of their own. Soon, he figures out that he isn't alone.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Chwe Hansol | Vernon/Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Everyone, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Jeon Wonwoo, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Kim Mingyu, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Lee Chan | Dino, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Lee Seokmin | DK, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Xu Ming Hao | The8, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 7
Kudos: 82





	1. It's okay

Joshua quietly closed the heavy door to his family's small apartment, making sure his parents wouldn't hear the noise he had made. Well, at least they would be able to sleep better without him there. His thoughts were so loud at times, he thought the entire building would hear his inner battles, internal screams, and his nearly silent sobs. He learned some time ago that he would get no privacy in the space of his tight room and empty house, if not from his parents, from his thoughts as well. 

So, he fixed his coat one last time before turning away to walk down the stairs to the ground floor of their building. He would take the elevator five floors down, but someone else most likely needed it to get home at midnight and he would be taking up their space. Plus, he was starting to gain some weight and needed the extra physical activity. 

His feet worked on their own after he was out the fancy doors of the clean lobby, dirtying the unfortunate space with his shoes and his presence, guiding him to the only save haven he had. He didn't pay any mind to the chilly night air, nor the strangers in the darkness giving him various looks. They wouldn't mess with him anyway. His own mirror wouldn't even look him in the eyes anymore. 

He continued, following the cracked and broken sidewalk until it broke off completely, abandoning him to face a grove of crowded trees on his own. He could handle it himself, he always had before. Within the trees was a single gap, filled with darkness and so well inviting. It was small enough for him to slip through with no effort and his last struggle before he was free. He wasn't scared of the woods, the stories along with the creatures and murderers of mystery, he didn't care if this place would be his last. The possibility had crossed his mind a few times and he reminded himself that it was very wrong to find any joy in it. Oh, his parents would be so happy to find out their son's thought process and all the delight his mind had to offer. 

Once past the gate, the world got quiet once again and Joshua was sure the gravity was less in his magical place. Well, his body was sure anyway. That was enough to believe in magic. A clear path of soft gray stones lead the rest of the way for him, and he was thankful for them. They seemed to glow as his shoes touched them, contrasting to what had happened previously. Never before had he been in a place that welcomed him so much that he felt, dare he say it, a pang of happiness in the place where his chest always seemed to burn. What did they say was located there? His heart maybe? He didn't pay attention in anatomy, he wasn't skilled enough to grow as a doctor anyway. He would've made his family happy if he did though, such a shame he was such a failure. 

Only when the stones stopped did he finally lift up his head, cool and fresh air entering his lungs at the sight of his own private shelter from the world. Yes, that's exactly how much power the abandoned two-story building held. The place looked more like the scene that one popular horror movie was shot at, if he was honest with reality. But when did reality ever pay him any respect? It was beautiful in his eyes, the exterior matching the rocks he was standing on, but with their own decoration of leafy green vines that had flowers blooming in a season he can't ever remember. Oh well, wasn't that important anyway. 

He walked forward into the forever opened doors, made of clear glass that he was always sure to clean spotless, and into an open space that he created himself over the course of five months. The living room, dining room, and kitchen were all joined together without a wall to separate them, different compared to his parent's apartment and nearly every other living space he's entered except for his cousin's studio apartment back in America. Now that place would be second in line for his ideal house. He didn't have claustrophobia, he could stand small spaces, his doctor had confirmed it more than once. But without an open space, the slight burning sensation in his chest would light up into a scorching fire that reached from his neck down to his wrists. It was difficult to control himself when that happened. It was that reason that he avoided the upstairs portion of the house. Sure, there was a lounge room upon reaching the top of the stairs, but the few other rooms didn't have doors and were like caves waiting to swallow him up when there was no daylight. 

The only time he did venture upstairs was to move furniture around. He was glad the strange house had it's own pieces inside. Joshua's job didn't pay enough to get new, or used, furniture and he knew it would be too suspicious of him to borrow things from home. There wasn't much, apart from a strangely large collection of lamps, but it was more than enough to be comfortable. Honestly, there was probably more in the many closets scattered around the place but there was no way he dared to even open their doors a second time. It would be overkill anyway. He was just one person. He enjoyed the comfortable gray couch, enough to seat three people and perfect for him to lay on to take a nap. If that didn't satisfy him, there was a clean, white, and rather bare, mattress behind it. It was on the small side and his ankles hung off the edge if he was lying stretched out, but it was the softest mattress he had access to and he wouldn't complain. To the sides and front of the couch rested a set of glass tables with tan rims and legs. Now that he was very happy to find, he always loved the coffee table in his own living room. Easy access to food while watching a pointless movie to waste his life away and distract him from the thoughts in his head. 

The kitchen appliances worked as well and were strangely modern. He always wondered while he heated up his supposed to be dinner the night before, if someone had claimed this house and if they would come back. He even made a point of setting out small, crafty little traps in all the entryways to see if someone or something ever entered the house when he was gone. Of course, nothing entered except the occasional small critter. He liked the rabbits the best. It was always a conflicting topic in his head. Was he truly trespassing on someone else's space? Would he be kicked out or arrested if someone found him? Those were questions that filled his head when he used the kitchen. Such a strange topic to find himself on after thinking about food.

All that aside, the only thing not harmful in Joshua's mind at this moment was finishing his library book that was due in three more days. He had to work the next day, so now would be the perfect time to not rush himself. So, he curled up on the single couch, draped his jacket over his legs, and opened up the book he's been reading for the past week. Fantasy was always his favorite genre. Oh what a wonderful thing, to have powers or wings or spells to use at your command. Or a chance to travel the world while hunting precious artifacts or fighting mystical beasts. The people he would meet, the adventures he would endure. Maybe they would change him. Maybe they could chase away the demons and bring the light back to his world. He would give anything for that to happen.

For now, he's okay. Joshua Hong is okay. The words on the pages of the decade-old book written by a forgotten author were replacing the dark words inside his head, filling him with the story that could never truly happen and allowing him an escape. He's in a place he loves, that won't wrap around his body and squeeze away every breath he has until he has to claw at himself to get it back. It's nearly one in the morning and he has the afternoon shift the next day. He even ate dinner, so his stomach isn't helplessly empty and calling out to him. He's warm and content in this small little moment of his life, but to him, it's the best thing that could ever happen.

Everything is okay. 


	2. Shouts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> other people are so loud... and scary. but some can be nice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my apologies for taking so long on this chapter. I only write when I'm in a certain mood and had traveled out of town over the weekend when I was in the right mood. enjoy the chapter and don't forget to see seventeen's comeback, fallin' flower, if you haven't already. it truly is a work of art.

It was three days later that Joshua found himself walking the familiar path to his private getaway, a new book in hand as promised. It was afternoon now and much less chilly, but he still carried a blanket in his free hands to wrap around himself in the cold house. Speaking of, he needed to make a note of buying some candles for warmth and light, something he seldom had. 

He tucked his black messenger back behind his back and entered the entrance guarded by the trees, leisurely making his way up the trail. He even paused to take notice of the growing greenery gathering in groups at the edges of the clearing. Was it nearly spring? Would the flowers bloom then or was it in the fall that their colors started to show? He never paid any attention to the times of the year anymore. He only counted when he had work and when he would return to university after his year-long break.

His foot stepped into the entryway before a loud noise pulled his attention back to the live doorway where he came from. What was that called again? A shout? He couldn't remember any loud noises except the honking of horns on the street. His family was always so quiet, even his aunt's infant child who he only saw on occasion. Oh, it was a shout. There were a lot of them now. He remembered going to a school sports even back in America where they did that. There wasn't any place for a crowd to gather, so what did those shouts mean?

Joshua placed his blanket and bag down in the doorway before he calmly made his way back down the path, hands together behind his back out of pure habit. Once he was around the corner, he leaned his upper half forward to peek through the trees, very surprised at what he saw. It was a group of young men, some looking older than him and others looking like secondary school students so he couldn't quite pinpoint their ages. They didn't seem to be getting along very well either. A couple of them were being pushed around, some punched, some laughing and some looking like their ice cream was just knocked out of their hand and there was no more for another serving.

Not knowing what to do, he just stood there, body concealed by the trees but his eyes uncovered to see just what exactly was going on. It couldn't be a gang, they didn't live in this part of the city. Then again, who would be dumb enough to be so hostile in broad daylight, especially in a large group? Though the more he thought about it, the more Joshua realized that no one ever traveled the area but him. Maybe they weren't completely dumb, but he wasn't going to single that out quite yet. 

Joshua was forced out of his thoughts as the group got closer until, as fate would have it, someone fell into the opening and confusingly blinked up at the brunette. Again, Joshua didn't know what to do. He was a peaceful soul by nature, he just wanted everyone to get along. Too bad things wouldn't go in the direction of his favor. 

As he raised his hand to wave at the fallen boy, the confused look turned into pure anger and he rose to his feet. 

"They've got another one here!" 

His voice was so loud that it made Joshua flinch and recoil, pressing himself into the brush to create distance out of pure instinct. His instincts were right too. Before he could register what would happen next, he was grabbed by his shoulders and shoved to the ground opposite of where the rough-looking boy had landed a moment ago. It hurt, to say the least, and he quickly sat up, attempting to dust off his sweater to appear as if he was much less affected than he actually was. 

Oh boy, did he regret looking up. 

There had to be about twenty other men just like the other, some with nasty cuts and bruises that made them all the more intimidating. Joshua could feel himself trembling just being in their presence, everything in his mind vanished into thin air as panic started seeping in. Soon everything turned quiet, then noisy again as he felt eyes on him. He quickly lowered his head, eyes squeezing shut. He wasn't sure if he was trying to calm himself or simply avoid everything anymore.

Before he could completely lose it, a much softer, yet shaper, voice cut through the air, effectively silencing everyone as even more tension filled the air. 

"We have no idea who that is."

Joshua forced himself to look up, taken aback by the tiny blonde boy who seemed to be the owner of the voice. He was completely unharmed, dressed just like any young man and not some school kid who was getting his lunch money snatched from him like what had happened to Joshua during secondary school. Was this squishy-looking kid their leader, maybe? A rich boy hiring bodyguards? Then again, why did it feel like everyone was still trying to kill each other?

"Now you guys are going to beat up random strangers off the street? How low are you people?"

Beside him stood another boy, slightly taller, jet black hair and dark piercing eyes that seemed to shoot holes into Joshua where he was staring. His voice was lower, both in pitch and volume, carrying such hostility and hatred that caused the only boy on the floor to shudder uncomfortably. He too was clear of any blemishes of violence, though Joshua sore he could see drops of red on the man's gray sweater.

Again, Joshua was grabbed by strong hands, forcing him up to his feet. He was held on two sides now, his right and left, by two different people, both with the same motto in mind that he knew nothing of. Were they really going to beat him up? What would his parents say if he came home in such a condition? What if he couldn't even make it home since he was so badly injured..?

All the color drained from the innocent boy's face, causing the blond and black-haired boys to share a look of concern while the others became amused at such wimpy behavior. 

"Maybe we'll beat him up..."

Unlike the others who had spoken up before, this man had the tone most filled with authority, and what Joshua was also able to catch that made him gulp, amusement and mockery. He was bigger than everyone by height, and most likely ego, but it was obvious he didn't just order everyone around. He was built, Joshua could see the muscles on his arms and his gut tightened, sweat starting to form as he imagined what sort of pain those same arms could inflict on him. 

"Or we could drag him back with us as a souvenir and let you two children off the hook. I bet the ones you trashed would love to take it out on this pretty boy weakling rather than some caged tiger. Easy pickings, aye boys?"

Everyone around him laughed, and that's when Joshua's panic had finally set in. He thrashed around, quietly instead of yelling unlike most would, and managed to free himself by harshly planting his feet in his captor's sides. Only when their groans filled the air and Joshua was standing just fine on his own did the laughter stop and looks of shock crossed everyone's faces. 

A growling noise of some sort erupted from the leader and Joshua flinched again, backing away and looking like a scared, helpless animal, just like they thought he was in the first place. A step closer and he bolted, turning and running back through the trees and up the stone path until he was safely inside his hideaway.

With the attention on the running prey, the men standing around forgot about their main targets, giving them a chance to end things before the quiet little stranger could get involved anymore and quite possibly send them all to jail for assault. Effortlessly, the two smaller men quickly took down the distracted attackers before any of them could get past the doorway of trees. The blonde simply knocked out the lead male before he could bark out any orders, and the other gave a look that had the others running without a second glance.

That just left the two of them, peering through the invisible door where the innocuous boy had traveled through. As they chose to follow his path, they were astonished at the sight that greeted them. The dim house, surrounded by a field of green that threatened to explode with color, hidden from the world, was unlike anything they had ever seen. Soon they would realize, the amiable, crying boy inside was just the same.


	3. Hello, Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quick meeting with strangers before being alone again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a shorter chapter, yes, but the next one will be much more interesting.

Joshua went to the last place he would ever think of going, the last room at the end of the upstairs hall. A big and spacious room ruined by various wrapped objects scattered about that left him no room to breathe. He crammed himself into the farthest corner, just behind a colorful, yet dull looking, chair that would be his shield. Only when he was there, knees drawn to his chest and looking oh so small, did he finally cry. 

For the first time since his childhood, his tears were not caused by his own doing. It wasn't a voice inside his head. In fact, this definition of fear was one that was completely foreign to him. It didn't hurt his chest, he felt his whole body tremble. Though, nothing had happened to him. He was perfectly fine after the incident, so why was he crying?

After pausing to get this clear logic through his head, Joshua's tears stopped and he soundlessly rose to his feet, wiping away the wetness on his cheeks with the soft fabric of his sweater. He didn't look around at the room he was in, his eyes never left the doorway as his feet carried him back to the hallway and to the wide space at the top of the stairs. Again, he wasn't thinking when he chose that spot to hide.

However, he froze in place again as his eyes finally looked around, spying two figures just inside the house's entryway, Joshua's belongings in the arms of the smaller of the two. 

"What... are you doing here?"

He asked in his usual soft voice, descending the stairs as he cautiously watched the boys. Of course, he didn't go any further. He recognized them as the two that stood out from the rest, the child and the scary boy, which didn't help him feel any better. 

The blonde stepped forward, pushing out his arms holding the bag and the blanket Joshua had abandoned in favor of his earlier curiosity. This action caused the opposite of what he wanted, as Joshua only stopped in his steps, hands still gripping onto the stair's railing.

"We came to check on you."

He said before clearing his throat, drawing his arms back to his body and taking a step away to show no signs of aggression. And though he had planned on continuing his unfinished peace speech, his companion beat him to it.

"Those bastards should have kept away from this area. Such morons. How dare they-"

Venom dripped from his deeper than expected voice and Joshua flinched, retreating three steps to distance himself from the hostile boy. Noticing this, the black-haired male took an almost unnoticed breath to calm himself, returning to his speech with a white-toothed smile and a much more gentle voice.

"No one should cause trouble in such an obvious place. Right, Woozi?"

The brunet's eyes switched back to the smaller boy, grateful that no one showed any signs of going after him any time soon. In return, the one called Wooi nodded his head, taking a spot in front of his friend. Joshua swore he could see a hint of surprise in his expression, but he assumed it was his irritated eyes playing tricks on him.

"Right, Hoshi. We're here to make sure you're alright and aren't hurt anywhere. And we found your stuff outside, it seems like you forgot about it."

Woozi placed Joshua's stuff down and backed away, grabbing ahold of Hoshi's shirt and gently pulling him back with him. Only when they were back by the door did Joshua finally leave the stairs, collecting his belongings and setting them down on the couch. He gave a silent bow in thanks and spoke as calmly as he could in the midst of violent strangers.

"I'm alright, just a bit shocked. I will be more careful to avoid those types of situations again."

The pair seemed to relax at his words and he in return felt some tension leave his body. 

Though, an unsettling silence followed his words. None of them knew what else to do. Joshua hoped they would leave, but it wasn't exactly his home to defend, let alone kick someone out. He was intruding just like they were, though for much longer and he should probably be wondering if they would question the house and maybe call the cops. Then again, they were just in a fight and the people they were with just assaulted him. Maybe he would be perfectly fine after all.

After the short period of awkwardness, Woozi cleared his throat again and his hand went to the back of his neck as he looked between Joshua and Woozi.

"I guess we better get going before they start looking for us over here again."

At that, Joshua's eyes widened. Would another fight happen? Would he get hurt this time? It would surely cause trouble to his parents if he were to return home bruised and bloodied like some criminal who prowled the streets at night. 

"We won't let them come this way ever again! You don't have to worry about them anymore!"

Hoshi suddenly snapped, though different than how he was moments ago. He cut in front of Woozi, his hand over his chest as if he was making a promise to the stranger they just met, an odd smile still on his face. He seemed pretty determined and Joshua found himself slowly calm down once again.

Woozi nodded along and held onto the collar of Hoshi's shirt, turning away and exiting the house while dragging a now pouty boy along with him. 

Joshua could only manage a small wave as they left, still too afraid to see if they would return or if thugs would catch him the moment he stepped outside. Oh well, that meant a late, suspicious night ahead of him. Maybe his anxiety would be so kind as to let him read the first few chapters of his new book. Of course, he didn't dare move from his spot until he could see them leave through one of the kitchen windows with a fallen cover. Wonder when that happened.

And so, he set his blanket on the mattress behind the couch and his bag beside it. Then he went over and locked the door, obviously after making sure all the windows were secure and covered beforehand. After, he turned on the lamps in the corners of the living room, the ones that saved him on the darkest of nights. He would need them on this night as well, whether he was going to spend the night in a land far away, or be swept away by the nightmares of the day.


	4. Grocery Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you would think I would have more time to write during these times. life said no :')

After the incident, Joshua didn't return to the house hidden in the woods. Well, he told himself a week of being away would be enough for anyone to forget about finding him in that area. Not like he was rememberable anyway. If that failed, he had invested in some pepper spray. Though he tried to ignore the entire thing as much as he possibly could. Who would miss him if he was to suddenly disappear?

It just so happened to be that his parents would be returning to their home as well. He would be less of a burden now since he wasn't in their way or worrying them when he spaced out for a bit too long. His parents didn't even live in South Korea, they just visited for vacation. Surely he wasn't the only reason they spent money on their small apartment. Their only child could have a roof over his head while attending school until he could get a professional job and care for himself fully is how they saw it. On the contrary, Joshua knew they had that apartment since before his birth, they had always had it and it had some good use to them. 

At least he still had someplace to rest his head, even if it was confining. Whenever his mind wasn't busy with his studies, the air seemed to get impossibly thick with whispers and worries. But he could manage. He often took shelter in the living room instead of being forced to hide inside his tiny room. Or in the kitchen, he was growing more fond of that place when he actually had company over. He never really ate much, but it gave his inner demons great satisfaction whenever he made an approved meal for his mother and father or some random student he was grouped with. Their praises and genuine smiles would put him at ease until it was quiet again. 

Joshua rose from his spot on the couch to wander into the kitchen, more specifically, the refrigerator. It was one of those more modern ones with features Joshua wouldn't even bother to figure out. Well, he did figure out something: It was very much empty. The only things left inside being a, probably empty, carton of eggs, some bagged carrots, and a single bottle of water. He forgot how much food a normal person was supposed to consume, he should have bought more groceries when he first heard of his parent's planned visit.

A sigh left his lips as his stomach growled once more, insisting he stop being so lazy and spend his hard-earned money to keep his body alive and somewhat well instead of contributing to his education debt or the month's rent. Of course, he could ignore it once again, but a dull pain was starting to fill his insides and he finally decided a trip to the store would be much more tolerable than another consistent bother. 

And so, he slipped on whatever shoes were closest to him and an extra sweater over his two layers. Being a rather later evening hour, he thought there weren't enough people out and about to convince him to put effort into his looks. (He never did that anyway except when he was accompanying someone and didn't want to embarrass them.) Grabbing his wallet and dying phone last, he exited the apartment and headed down the overfamiliar path to the streets and the outside world. 

\---

Three-quarters of half an hour passed of uneventful shopping for various foods and essential items, not including a pricey little bamboo plant that he couldn't pass up with all his being, even the voices seemed to agree with him on it, and Joshua considered his trip successful. He hadn't fallen, or knocked over a can sticking too far out, or dropped anything while placing it into his basket, or had to ask an attendant to help him reach something at the very top shelf, (seriously if no one can get anything from there why even have them), or anything that would cause him to bury his head in the ground like an ostrich. 

Surprisingly, he even stayed within budget. He could maybe afford a better coat or treat himself to a bit of hotteok on his way back from work tomorrow. 

Actually, there were still debts to be paid. He shouldn't waste good money on junk such as snacks. he had two meals a day, that was plenty to keep him going-

A sudden weight on his shoulders cut off his neverending thoughts, and a physical one this time. It took him a second or so to realize there was also a voice along with this unexpected load, one he's never heard before.

"-he's right here! I was looking for you, babe, you're always so focused when shopping, I didn't even hear you slip away."


	5. update

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not part of the story, oops.

I've decided to discontinue this story until further notice. I discovered I'm really good at starting up stories, but I'm terrible at actually seeing them out until the end. As I said, I have a lot of ideas for all kinds of stories and I'm trying my best to get something written out for you guys, but it's not as easy as I thought it would be. I'll continue to try, but feel free to leave any helpful advice you might have for me and don't be afraid to ask any questions.


End file.
